Hug's base was attacked recently. Everyone was fine. No one even got hurt. When I read the e-mail in which he told me that it happened (no detailes, of course), I had no reaction, other than thinking i hope everyone's okay. Later, when we were talking, I tried to get some details out of him. Whenever I hear these things about him or our friends, I picture it in my head, and what I see looks just like a movie, and its hard to process it as reality.
As I was driving home from work today, I started to think about it more, and I went back to that morbid thought of "what would I do if anything happened to Mike." (I say "anything happened" because saying it any other way would be too real.) I can't see past the first day, but I can picture the first day pretty clearly. In my vision, I leave my house immediately. I don't want to be around my family for some reason. I go to my friend BOB's house (her name isn't really BOB, but that's what we'll call her). I don't really know why. Maybe because I know she'd be supportive, quiet, give me the space I need to deal with it mentally. She's the kind of person who would be watchful, I think, without making me feel watched. It feels right to go there and hide from everyone.
I feel bad for having these thoughts, but I'm pretty sure its normal. Right?
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Bless Our Troops
Sharing my experiences being an Active Duty Army wife, struggling with fertility problems, and the joy of adoption.
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Bless Our Troops
1 comment:
totally normal. called "anticipatory grief".
and unless you told me specifically not to come, i would be there. even if i had to chase you to bob's house.
btw, my word ver is "hught".
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