"Let's Get Together"

Its much harder to get together with friends once you all have jobs, relationships, and live in different cities. Maybe I should say freaking impossible. It is impossible to sync the schedules of five or six 25 year olds living 2-3 hours away from each other. Shocker.

I'm disappointed and a little hurt that we only managed to get together three times in the year I've been home, but that's okay. Its probably for the best. Last time we got together, I was in a weird mood and everyone knew it. Probably because everyone was drinking and reminiscing and having a great time.

Except me. My past mistakes are too close for comfort here.

I'm awful at letting things go. Silly worthless memories creep up on me, normally late at night when I'm trying to sleep, or sometimes when I'm in my car driving to work in the morning - I don't know why then.

Being out of state for the last four years has helped me suppress a lot of memories of my stupid actions as a teen, but being back at home makes them pop up randomly and frequently. Before I met up with my friends these last two times, I spent a good portion of the day re-living college in my head. Then, when I met up with them, we all sat around and talked about college and high school and laughed and laughed, and its great. Until they started bringing up bad nights, and I would get upset and distant. But its not their fault, because they don't know they were bad nights, because I was weak and stupid and never asked for help back then. And now I'm stupid for being upset with them for being so insensitive over stuff they don't even know about, and then I'm upset with myself for being upset with them...

So, its less stressful to just not get together with the friends I love. Dammit. I can't wait to get out of this place and have Hug home, so I can live only in the glorious present with him and forget about the past.