Getting Closer

I'm back in the Army bubble. I love it. Its crazy - I know. But I do. I'm in a blissful state of pure craziness. I hardly need sleep. I'm constantly going 90mph and I love it. I wonder if I need my synthroid dose changed after losing 15lbs. That could be the reason I can sleep for four hours and wake up feeling awesome. We'll find out Tuesday. I hope that's not the reason. I hope it really is just my natural high. I love myself right now.

My friend's girlfriend has been staying with me for the last couple days and she's been great company. Helpful and such a welcome distraction. I never met her before, but talked regularly over chat and facebook and a little on the phone at the end. I figured it could go either way when we met in person, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how well we got along.

Her boyfriend came in last night. This morning, really. 3am-ish. This was my first redeployment ceremony since my sister came home from Iraq. It was abundantly different. I thought it would be so hard to go there and leave with no one, but I held it together. At first I was jealous of everyone sitting around waiting for their soldier to walk in the gym, but once the guys were released and everyone was hugging and crying, I just felt really happy for them. I got a little teary watching it. My tears were joyful that all of these soldiers made it home safely to their families, sorrowful as I thought of the soldiers who didn't make it home and their families who would never again experience the joy of hugging their soldiers, and sad over the number of soldiers who had no family meeting them there.

I'll be picking Hug up by myself. Just me. His family is flying in a week or so later, which we requested. Now I wish we would have let them come. A soldier returning from war should get as many hugs as he can possibly get. Even if he doesn't think he wants it. His parents and sisters should be there. I feel like an ass.

After the ceremony, my brain was going 1000mph, so I stopped at Walmart on my way home to do run some errands. Walmart is immensely nicer at 5am than it is at any other time of the day. I might have to save all of my Walmart trips till then. By the time I got home, it was 6am and getting light outside, so I said screw it and went to the gym. Ran 2 miles. It was great. Okay, it hurt and my head hurt afterwards and I felt dehydrated, but I just drank some water, took some medies, turned on Nights in Rodanthe and crawled into bed (no shower - I'm a gross kid, apparently. Don't worry - I'll change the sheets as soon as my dryer is fixed.). I fell asleep within seconds.

I think it was a good night.

I miss my husband.

I'm nervous and a little lonely now.